If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, at some point you are bound to realize that their words and actions don’t match.
In the early stages of the relationship, when they are full of fire and verve, they’ll say things to you, things they’ve tested during their previous romantic conquests, to make you feel like you are in the center of their world. And that you are. For a time. Until they get lazy and bored, you see through their facade or they find a new target to seduce.
Narcissists can be quite crafty with words, which they work like spells. If you are not careful, they can put you in a trance.
In the initial stage known as idealization, their words are still fueled by the fanatical desire to possess you, or something you have, and their actions are somewhat in alignment. The combination of words, vibes and actions focused in the same direction makes them come across as convincing and even genuine.
But once the honeymoon stage fades and they lose interest, it will be harder for them to keep the illusion intact. The same words that once reverberated with the din of a thousand bells, will fall flat and sound more like the droning of a broken record.
I know you want to believe that they mean what they say. But do pay extra attention to that shifting tone and frequency of engagement. It can reveal their true intentions.
Things They Say
They may be convinced that they are one of a kind, but narcissists are shameless plagiarizers. Lacking their own creativity, they’ll pick words from songs and movies, and even enact whole scenes using fairytales as their blueprint for action.
They do this to make you fall for them quickly and make you believe that they are the answer to your prayers. It’s an all-out mind screw.
So what are some of the things they say? Here are a dozen examples of the things I’ve heard.
- I’ve been waiting for you all my life... Where have you been? A total Rhianna rip-off. They will say such things in a husky tone when the temperature runs high. It’s easy to fall for the empty words while in an elevated state. Of course, the line is a lie. Narcissists never wait for anyone. They take what’s before them.
- We are so similar. You and I have so much in common! False. They will say it and mirror you to make you believe it. And then turn around and say it to the next person in line. Once they get comfy and the mask drops, they will show you an entirely different face.
- We are soulmates/twinflames. If you presented yourself as a spiritually inclined empath, they know you will dig this line. After all, how can you dispute its validity? It is a good practice to regularly scan your beliefs for potential vulnerabilities.
- We are made of the same stuff. Only as long as you respond to the abuse training and become the infinite well of supply they can draw from ad nauseam. As you give without restrain, they have unlimited capacity for taking. So in a perverted sense, this could be valid.
- I love you! Right. Two days into the relationship… It’s a way to secure you quickly. You are a good catch. Read: you have something they want. Badly.
- I want to marry you! One week into the relationship. See above.
- You are my prince/princess. Meant to evoke the child in you that believes in fairytales and set a fantasy in motion. Potent words for future faking when directed at codependent targets who crave being saved. No, darling. No one can save you. Only you can save yourself. (For more on this, check out the video below.)
- You are the first person I said this to/did this with… Maybe. But the chances are that you are neither the first nor that they are this inexperienced. Narcissists will not say such things unless they’ve been proven to give them the results they are after. In this case, rushing intimacy and sealing the bond.
- I think about you all the time. Read: I’m obsessed with figuring out how to quickly and effectively enslave you so you do as I please.
- I want to stay with you forever. Yes, but only as long as they can keep molding you into the perfect image of what they want you to be. It’s a path of exhaustion, followed by depletion, followed by a collapse. Fine print: they will also want to stay forever with all these other people over there…
- No one will ever love you like I do. And that’s a good thing because narcissist’s love is no real love. It’s more of an insatiable need to possess and control. They’ll say this sort of gibberish when they suspect you might be pondering an exit. It’s their best effort at sabotaging your hope of finding love elsewhere.
- You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Another song rip-off. The words are meant to incite fear of regret and prevent you from setting sails and realizing your dreams. They play on your self-doubt and are a subtle form of blame shifting and gaslighting. In other words, how can you be so ungrateful after everything they sacrificed for you…?
The Ever After
As time progresses, they may still drop the lines, but do so more rarely, lazily and without much conviction. It’s a hint that their attention is already drifting elsewhere. At that point, as the undercurrent of their narrative shifts, your sight may clear. You will see that their sweet words are really covert threats, or bitter criticisms wrapped in gold.
As the climax nears, all subtleties fly out the window. You always do this and never that is a common adverb choice accompanying slurs and accusations they hurl your way like cannons.
At this point, you are best to take your leave, shut the door and let them brew in the cauldron of their own pathetic prose.
What are some of the things you’ve heard coming from a narcissist’s mouth? Please share and help us break the narc spell!
If you are suffering from the shock of being subjected to narcissistic abuse, have a look into my FREE three-step SOS program available on my website.