Today’s post is my reply to a question I received on one of my YouTube videos:
I’d like to know more about intuition. I don’t trust my intuition. I’ve shut myself off afraid of getting involved with the wrong people and getting hurt and taken advantage of. Is there a way out? My trust was shattered at a very young age and as this happened over and over I basically CAN’T trust anybody. I’ve sealed myself off so to speak cause I’m afraid of having my trust betrayed again.
This is such an important question, relevant to so many of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse and betrayal.
Here are my top 3 reasons why we got into a toxic relationship/situation:
- We were likely too open and trusting, because —
- We were taught to doubt our intuition, and —
- We were outmaneuvered by a cunning manipulator.
Before my awakening, I used to say that I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to. That was a huge mistake! I thought this way because I wanted people to like me, so I trusted them until they hurt me. When stated this way, it really shows what faulty thinking this is.
Many kids are taught to mistrust their intuition by parents who don’t take their time to validate their feelings. When a child, naturally smart and perceptive, approaches a parent when they sense something is off, many parents brush off the question or outright deny the child’s hunches. This teaches the child, especially if it happens often enough, that their intuition is off. They grow up believing that there must be something wrong with them.
This is the genesis of self-doubt that can highly impair this person’s ability to form healthy relationships and experience success later in life. Such person will go through life like a loose leaf blown by the wind — lacking roots and self-trust. Instead, they’ll tend to outsource their trust to others, some of whom will take advantage of it and betray them in the end, serving a painful lesson.
So, it is time to set things straight:
Don’t trust anyone but yourself… until others earn your trust. Time will reveal the person’s true intent & integrity.
First, I want you to realize that you were never disconnected from your internal GPS. It is impossible. It can only be muted, the voice turned down.
Notice what happens when you think of the person that harmed you. You feel icky. Maybe also afraid, angry or nauseous. This is your intuition communicating to you through your body to let you know that this person is toxic. It is trying to protect you.
Your intuition never left you!
You can learn to hone the skill of listening to your intuition more. You can do so by noticing how your body feels when you think of a particular person, how you feel about going out, how about reading this book or that, or eating this food or that food.
If you feel vague about something, it is safer to retreat. Only when it is a full yes, would I move forward and follow the bliss. Especially in the early days of recovery.
Second, know this: the reason you are having issues with trusting others right now is because you are in a self-protection mode. It is your body’s natural response to the suffering you’ve been through.
The degree to which you were harmed, is the degree to which your Soul wants to retreat into hibernation.
I’m using the word Soul here as a term that encompasses the whole spectrum of your being — body, mind, emotion, spirit.
So, be patient with yourself. It will take time to heal. It’s a process. But if you commit to it, it will be worth it.
If you scale this summit, that is by far the grittiest summit one can scale, as it requires a complete redo of you and your life after a total destruction of your old self, it will make it so much easier to face any other challenge.
But first, the mental and emotional fog from the cognitive dissonance needs to lift. The trauma bonds need to break. The gaps and leaks need to get sealed, so that you can contain your energy reservoirs. The highly addictive stress chemicals your body manufactured during the abuse need to return to normal states.
During this time, hibernation is the place to be. Over time, and you will now when that happens, you will feel a natural pull to connect more with others. But before that happens, it is best to take your time to connect deeper with yourself.
And even then, you can begin to take proactive steps to reaffirming your connection to your internal compass. Rest when you need to, nourish yourself, breathe deeply… Your best, most empowered days are still ahead.
I hope this post was helpful to you and look forward to meeting you in the comments. Your 👏🏻 are the rocket fuel that inspires me to keep up this work.
Feel free to share this article and spread the love.
If you are suffering from the shock of being subjected to narcissistic abuse, have a look into my FREE three-step SOS program available on my website.
Click below for a video companion to this article.