How to Cultivate Healthy Self-Regard


Many people I work with struggle with developing healthy self-regard because they don’t want to be like the narcissist in their lives.

Let me tell you something. Having self-respect is very different from the over-inflated self-importance and exploitative grandiosity of a narcissist.

In fact, as an empath who has a pattern of getting into abusive, manipulative relationships, it is something you need to develop like your life depends on it. Because it probably does.

This is why, in the process of purging your body, mind and soul from the negative influences of abusive and manipulative people, it is crucial that you keep your sights on your bright future and keep working on yourself.

Shortly after coming out of a toxic relationship, you feel devastated. A betrayal like this is highly destabilizing and painful. It makes us doubt the past, the person we thought we knew, and yourself.

But you can use the experience as a golden lesson and turn it all round!

This is why I recorded my newest video on the topic (link below). I want to invite you to start developing healthy self-regard.

Here for you, are the 10 traits of a person who displays healthy self-regard:

  1. You know what you want/need and how to ask for it. This is crucial. Without knowing who you are and what you need, you will not be able to define yourself, set healthy boundaries and negotiate in relationships.
  2. You are okay with conflict and don’t shy away from arguments and disagreements. We have no control over other people and their agendas. Therefore, it is inevitable that at some point we will encounter people whose ideas and opinions will differ from our own. This is why we need to practice assertiveness and being comfortable with disagreements. This is how we grow character!
  3. You are curious, intelligent and able to form a cohesive argument. Without researching, forming and articulating a well-informed argument, our confidence will keep receiving blows. While being rejected is a part of life, it’s valuable to devote some of your time to learning how to present your argument in a way that is received as intended. Side bonus? Feels good.
  4. You have self-esteem. Not “other-” esteem. It’s portable! Learing to approve of yourself makes you truly independent and unstoppable. No matter where you are and with whom, you will generally feel really good about yourself. Also, if you value yourself, you will not be a profitable target for sneaky manipulators, so they will be more likely to leave you alone.
  5. You put yourself first. This is not about being so selfish that you are completely oblivious to the needs of others. Rather, by taking good care of yourself you make sure that you are there when your loved ones need you.
  6. Concerned with your wellbeing, health and appearance. There is nothing wrong about feeling and looking good. It is a sign of respect towards yourself and others.
  7. Focused on personal success, purpose and passions. Life is so much sweeter when something we worked on receives the acclaim it deserves or we attain a particularly important personal goal. Focused and driven, you are much less likely to be derailed by energy vampires.
  8. Having boundaries. This is what this whole post is really about, isn’t it? It is about knowing yourself well enough that you are able to say no to distractions and temptations that will slow you down, redirect and potentially devastate you. The key is to stay open and also on track.
  9. Low tolerance for pettiness, games and manipulations. If you respect yourself, you will be repelled by behaviors that don’t make sense or don’t match up with someone’s words.
  10. Proud of your achievements. Please, there is no harm in pausing for a moment and giving yourself a hug and a specially positive ponder about how well you’ve done in various domains of your life. In fact, I’d like yo to pause right now and think about 3 things you did well in the last 24 hours. See? Feels good…

For a deeper dive, click on the video below.

I hope this post was helpful to you and look forward to meeting you in the comments. Your 👏🏻 are the rocket fuel that inspires me to keep up this work.

Feel free to share this article and spread the love.

If you are suffering from the shock of being subjected to narcissistic abuse, have a look into my FREE three-step SOS program available on my website.

Self-development tools for self-healing and authentic relating. #coach #writer

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store