Words are powerful. Words are consciousness. They conjure up ideas and visions in our minds. Things gain meaning with words. They give rise to our abstract, inner reality and contribute to the formation of our identity.
Words can be used to heal or kill. After having been immersed in studying the effects of people with Cluster B personality disorder on others, I’m convinced that the saying ‘sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you’ is simply not true…
The Game
Narcissists, psychopaths, and other predators are typically very good with words. They may even appear brilliant, but it’s all games. There is no genuine vulnerability in what they say, hence their brilliance is shallow and cold.
Manipulators use clever word combinations to beguile and hide their true intentions. They use words the way marathoners use their Nike sneakers — as means to an end.
While poets may use words to inspire, manipulators use them to conjure up endless streams of conflict. Because they are fractured at their core, everything they say and do stems from that.
Many Cluster B personality disordered people thrive on conflict, as it fuels their sense of importance and provides them with supply in the form of attention, drama and having something to win.
And they can go on arguing for hours… until you are on the verge of crashing.
No Conscience
Exhaustion and trance go hand in hand. When we are exhausted or confused, it is easy for them to slip suggestions into our minds. Drowning in the ocean of words, we grab onto the first thing that makes sense.
People without conscience don’t get tripped up easily by what others say or do. It is all a game to them and they are not in it to arrive at a resolution or clarity. They are in it to win and get their way.
Conversely, people with traumatic pasts, empathy and high conscience are full of hot buttons and triggers, so it is easy for them to get lost in an emotional fog when arguing with a skilled manipulator.
Controlling with Confusion
Confusion is a form of trance. It makes you highly focused on trying to figure something out. It’s like a laser beam shooting into the fog.
To get you in the game, manipulators will use a fact or something that’s true and spin it or add something false or highly subjective, such as an opinion, to throw you off balance. It serves the purpose of confusing you, exhausting you mentally and emotionally so that you give up and eat up their version of what happened.
Think about it — when you are confused, you wrinkle your brows and focus your thoughts, looking for an answer. It primes you for picking up specific hints, sent your way by the person purposely confusing you. To end the all-consuming, energy-draining mental search, you fixate on the first thing that is even remotely clear and makes sense.
Because they lead with truth, you can’t fully deny what they say. Thus you open to receive the truth and with it, the poison. The idea is to get it all entangled in your head. The truth opens you up and then, the lie can slip in.
Confusion or bewilderment manipulation is meant to:
· Conceal aggressive intention,
· Put you on the defensive, and
· Ultimately, change your perception.
The goal is to have your sense of what’s real and ultimately your self-worth be transferred into the abuser’s hands.
To hear examples of manipulation by confusion, including the use of double entendre, check out the video below.
To escape the trap of this form of abuse, ask clarifying questions. Most manipulators will cower at the idea of having to explain themselves…
Remember: Truth + Lie = Confusion
