Anyone can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way — that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.
There comes a time where you cannot hold it in any longer. You’ve taken one too many. Whether it was yet another lie, cheat, dig disguised as a compliment, another smear campaign, toxic gossip nugget that reached your ears or a droplet of blame. One too many abuses.
Like a volcano rumbling in your gut, you feel the fury rising.
As Aristotle noted twenty-three hundred centuries ago, anger has its place. And in abusive relationships, it can be the last necessary ingredient to tip the scales in the target’s favor.
Vast majority of targets of narcissistic abuse include empaths and codependents. Codependents are essentially empaths who were trained by abusers, often using the age old system of punishment and reward, to completely disregard their own needs. In this vein, the parasitic relationship between a narcissist and a codependent can be compared to a vampire sucking on the target’s sustenance until the latter is utterly exhausted or nearly destroyed — physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually.
If you identify yourself as target of abuse, this is where anger can become your opportunity. It often is a moment when the skies clear for a moment, exposing the shocking truth. If they are able to seize the chance and allow themselves to feel it and capture (record!) the narrative that stems from this fiery emotion, you may connect to an inner truth that the narcissist, and his or her predecessors, had succeeded in burying for much too long.
In other words, the fire can get you in touch with your intuition. What is intuition? It is a tiny breadcrumb you find laying on your path. A message from your subconscious, an option that glows a little brighter than the rest. It is the voice of your Higher Self.
This Higher Self is not concerned with how things look right now. It transcends time. All it is concerned with is how to get you to a place where you truly belong and to illuminate to you the very next step you need to take to get there.
So give yourself permission to feel your anger. Do not be afraid. It is a powerful emotion you haven’t yet learned how to handle, but you will. It is a live course in emotional literacy. And the class begins now.
It is not necessary to get into a squabble with the narcissist and show them your outrage. In fact, I would strongly advise against it. Instead, hold it close and let it expand you from within. Go into another room. Connect deeply. And record your insights.
Your anger is your friend. Your sadness is your friend. Your despair is your friend. Your emotions are here to communicate to you that something is way out of balance. Listen to them.
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If you’d like to go deeper into the subject, watch the video below.
It’s never a step down to step ahead.
— Tama Kieves
I hope this was helpful to you and look forward to meeting you in the comments. Feel free to share this article with anyone who may benefit.
If you are suffering from the shock of being subjected to narcissistic abuse, have a look into my FREE three-step SOS program available on my website.