Falling for a narc is intoxicating to a codependent person. This is because they have a knack at dousing you with so much attention, you feel like you’ve been seen maybe even for the first time in your life.
Codependents are not made in one day. We stroll around the world with forced smiles on our faces, looking for love. Why? Because our precious souls were punctured as children. Not only were we not given compassion (mother) and protection (father), in most cases we were robbed off our buddying sense of identity with the narcissistic or neglectful parent’s unrealistic expectations of us.
So when we meet a narcissist on our path and they see all those qualities we’ve developed as coping mechanisms to survive the constant onslaught of abuse, they swoop right in.
The narcissist needs a partner who can take a lot of pain in order to tolerate the inevitable stage of relationship degradation. Idealizing the target is hard work for the narc, so it is only a matter of time before the mask slips revealing their true face. When that happens, time stops for the target. It is a truly frightening moment.
The narcissist needs someone with a great deal of empathy to buy into their victim stories. And they need someone who seeks true love, so that the narcissist’s acts of heroism can get blown up to the status of a life savior in record time.
This is why when the discard finally comes, the target feels eviscerated from the inside. They came to trust their partner with their deepest thoughts and feelings. Now they are being walked all over with dirty shoes.
My message to you today is — this sort of behavior only reflects on the narc, not you. What low level creature does that? Who elevates only to dismiss? Who raises others up only to watch in delight as they crash?
The narcissist knows that they will never ever achieve the level of internal fulfilment that you can, because they lack the ability to deeply feel. Their emotional repertoire is limited to envy, rage, lust and fear. You have a whole gamut to play with.
This is why they resent you. They can never be like you, so they have to destroy you. It’s a form of soul rape that leaves a destruction in its wake that’s near impossible to withstand. But you can withstand it. You can and you will. And you will come out of it stronger and more confident than ever.
Because there is no better crash course to self-reliance than overcoming narcissistic abuse. If cannot count on yourself to save you, no one ever will. On the other hand if you do, the world will open up to you in ways previously unimagined.
The narcissist is the opposite of a warrior. He or she is nothing more than a coward. They are so developmentally arrested, their behavior resembles that of a five year old in an adult person’s body. Their tactics get more sophisticated over time, but inside it is the same person, terrified of being exposed. So they go on demolishing others in order to get a momentary high of superiority.
I know it can feel near impossible to come out of the discard hole. The colors fade, light dims and all we hear is the eerie echo of the narc’s words they used to lure us into their trap. All the future faking, the idealisation, the pity stories to make us ‘feel’ for them to bond us in trauma.
It is time turn this compassion around and direct it towards yourself. Imagine, just imagine what can happen if you become your greatest champion?
Another life is possible. You may not know this yet, but the worst is over. You now know who they are. From this point out, it can only get better.
I hope this post was helpful to you and look forward to meeting you in the comments. Your 👏🏻 are the rocket fuel that inspires me to keep up this work.
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If you are suffering from the shock of being subjected to narcissistic abuse, have a look into my FREE three-step SOS program available on my website.
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