It happens in relationships, in medical offices and on all levels of corporate strata. It runs in families, schools and saturates our political systems. It permeates religions, cults and even managed to coopt the hippie movement. It is like a most destructive virus — it acts stealthily and its aim is total destruction of its target in order to gain supply.
It is all around us and millions are affected by it daily and yet, hardly anyone sees it. In fact, we’ve been indoctrinated to think it is ‘normal.’
Narcissistic abuse is turning into a groundswell on and beyond the internet. Of course, the virus is working hard on trying to coopt the very movement that is attempting to unmask it. It is especially visible now, as the curtain has fallen from the political system and the corrupt media is scrambling to pull it back up. It is a huge opportunity for humanity, if we are to make it on the other side of what’s coming, if we choose to see it for what it is and unsubscribe from its deadly influence.
I myself have been touched by narc abuse in all spheres of my life. The way I was raised, I discovered by diving into the psychology of narcissism, was to literally draw these kinds of people in droves into my life. I was their polar opposite. While they took all they could with a big shiny smile on their faces, I aimed to please, the act of giving offering me a kind of high that momentarily made the pain go away.
Narcissism and codependency exist on a scale. In work pioneered by Dr. Ross Rosenberg, author of ‘The Human Magnet Syndrome,’ he talks about how narcissists have the mentality of being entitled to taking what they want when they want it, while codependents feel perpetually guilty, scared and obliged to give, to the detriment of themselves. The two sides are a perfect match to each other. When they come together, a sizzling chemistry ensues.
Narcissism in Workplace
You know this new employee who was just hired and now works in your department? As he or she begin their relationship with you, they shower you with constant flattery. The amount of positive attention you’re suddenly getting, feels nearly intoxicating. You soon find yourself doing all sorts of things for them. One day, they lure you to go out with them and get drinks. You do so and the two of you have a ton of fun together. You feel like you just gained a new best friend. Sometime during the evening, you confide in them and spill all sorts of details about your personal life. It doesn’t take long before people at the office are starting to look at you funny, your new best friend hardly notices you and in fact, you find out that he or she are about to replace you.
The pain of betrayal is difficult to describe. It’s like a stab of a dagger inside your gut. What’s worse is that as masters of the game called ‘smear campaign,’ narcissists make sure that your reputation is severely eroded and people think you’ve lost your mind, if you dare say anything about it.
Another common form of abuse by a personality disordered people at work occurs when you come in close contact with a sociopath. Also a part of the Cluster B spectrum, they are harder to detect. Charming, charismatic, deep inside all they can think about is power and control. If you dare to get in a way of their agenda, you risk total annihilation. In her book, ‘Sociopath Next Door,’ Dr. Martha Stout finally debunks the myth that sociopaths are rare tyrants, most of them locked up. The truth is that our winning-obsessed society is permeated by their insidious games of power that hide behind a mask of fake smiles and flattery.
One of a Million
If you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios, know that you are not alone. Millions of people suffer from narcissistic abuse and many don’t know it. It is unlike any other form of abuse, because it is invisible and made to fool. Once it gets under your skin, it begins to slowly erode your identity, following the pattern of idealization, devaluation and finally discard. The targets are treated like things, not like people, because Cluster Bs have no conscience.
Know, that if you have discovered that this is something that’s been slowly eating away at your confidence and vitality, a silent killer that’s been destroying your sanity, there is a way out. It begins with awareness and validation — knowing that you are not the one who’s crazy.
There are evil people out there, sometimes very close to us, who use others for their selfish purposes.
But the work begins and ends with you. These people think they are perfect just the way they are, so it is a waste of time to wait for them to change. You are the one who needs to heal and start setting boundaries. If you can, remove yourself from their sphere of influence, do not engage in conversations and never share your personal stories that can and will be used against you. Instead, hit the pause button and take a close look at yourself. What is it in you that makes you feel attracted to these people? I bet it all started in your childhood training.
I intend to write much more on this subject. For now, I will leave you with a video I just made, talking about the pitfalls of placing your self-worth in what you achieve. It is a dangerous vulnerability that narcissists and sociopaths, especially those at work, use against you. Have a look and please leave a comment if you feel inspired.
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