It is difficult to catch someone in a lie as it happens. Usually we realize it after the damage is done. Until then, it remains veiled. But here is the deal. When you suspect that you are dealing with a narcissist, overt or covert, you can be sure that he or she are lying. As they say, it comes with the territory.
Narcissists lie through their teeth. Lies are what their false persona, or the mask, is founded on. The persona is always grandiose and typically operates as a bully or as a victim.
Narcissists use lies to exploit others, affirm their grandiosity and garner admiration and validity, which they desperately seek in order to feel that they are live. Lies are not just a small part of who they are. It permeates them through and through.
The lies they tell serve an important purpose. They are not a defense mechanism, as some may believe. In fact, it can be dangerous to subscribe to this way of thinking because it excuses the narcissist and minimizes the damage. In worst cases, it enables. The lies are being told left and right to help the narcissist get what they want. That’s it.
“When disturbed characters engage in certain behaviors, some of which we have often called defense mechanisms, they don’t do so to protect against emotional pain, guilt or shame. Nor do they do so to keep a feared event from happening. Rather, disturbed characters engage in these behaviors primarily to ensure that some desired event does indeed happen, to manipulate and control others, and to solidify their resistance to accepting or internalizing social norms” (Simon George Ph.D., In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People).
Narcissists lie even when they don’t have to. They embellish, color and twist the truth so that it fits their warped narrative. And because the houses of cards they build are of massive proportions, it is only a matter of time before reality verifies the truth. The is what the narcissist is afraid of the most — being found out and exposed.
They prefer to keep things vague, as it is easier for them to keep track of the version of reality they are dishing out. If you don’t know the details, it will be harder for you to piece the story together and see the big picture.
Narcissists also lie by omission. By not telling the truth, they avoid taking responsibility for their actions and facing consequences. This is how they keep the truth from surfacing and hurting them. This is how they keep their affairs, covert business deals, and addictions secret from you.
Because they’ve been doing it for a very long time, narcissists have refined the way in which they tell lies to a level of mastery. Therefore, they can come across as very convincing. You could even say that they believe in the lies they tell. It is as if they are not only fooling you but also fooling themselves.
In the words of legendary M. Scott Peck, M.D., “Narcissists are dedicated to preserving their self-image of perfection to maintain the appearance of moral purity. The lie is actually designed not so much to deceive others as to deceive themselves” (From People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil).
Fortunately, people have been endowed with the gift of intuition, or what I call Soul GPS. It’s by far the best lie detector! By tuning into your body, you are able to tell relatively quickly whether someone is lying to you. The body responds with revulsion to lies while the mind with confusion. I made a video about it, titled: 2 Ways to Quickly Recognize Evil in People.
If you find out that the narcissist is spreading lies about you, take a deep breath. It happened to all of us and in most cases is ongoing. The best thing you can do is cut all communications with this person and their posse of flying monkeys, be kind and stick to your truth. If you lose some of your friends as a result of telling the truth, it will mean they were never your friends to begin with.
I hope you found this article helpful and I look forward to your comments.
If you are currently suffering from a breakup due to trauma bonding, check out my UNCHAINED program. In it, I included everything that helped me break free and live my best life. You will find it here: https://www.mysoulgps.org/unchained-program
If you are suffering from the shock of being subjected to narcissistic abuse, have a look into my FREE three-step SOS program available on my website.
For a podcast version of this article, check out this YT video ⬇️
Wishing you all peace & happiness 💜🕊.